You're my little dorito
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
