i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
