I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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