so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
