Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
and you fell through a lawn chair
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
