Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
