I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
