his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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