how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
