Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
