remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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