The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
