so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
