Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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