she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
