Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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