you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize