I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
