I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
