My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize