Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
