I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
