Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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