how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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