Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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