I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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