i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
