if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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