who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
