Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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