you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
