So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
