R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
