Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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