but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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