She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
