It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize