Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
