There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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