walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
