You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
