And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
