Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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