Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
