Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize