Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
