Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
