At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
