i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
