Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
