8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
