I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
