i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
