1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
