found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
