i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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