New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
