i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
