Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
