I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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