i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
