I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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