remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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