Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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