never play flip cup with pint glasses
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Do vagina's smell?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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