I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
