After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
