I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
