If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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