he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
