So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
