Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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