eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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