Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
