There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
