im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
