yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
