From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
