Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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